What is the language of sex? It is not a language we learn at home, or in school. It is a language that we learn by trial and error, or not at all. Did you know that learning how to talk about sex can improve your sex life? The language of sex has traditionally been an unspoken language as far as talking goes, but the body language has remained strong behind closed doors. The language of sex has either consisted of silence or scandals. Just the thought of having an open talk about sex instills fear in many people.
We are taught to be uncomfortable talking about our personal sex lives. Sex is taboo, and has been for about 1300 years. We may whisper about sex and romance to our best friends, chat online or read about sex, but sex remains largely a sinful subject. And yet we openly talk about who is sleeping with Brad, Angelina, Jen, or Ben in the tabloids, on talk shows, on TV. The media and Hollywood versions of sexuality is not a fair or realistic commentary about what happens in the bedroom.
With all that said, it can be very important for you to be able to talk with your partner or communicate in some way about sex so you can have a good sex life. So how can you and your partner begin to break taboo and talk about sex in a way that can lead to a better sex life? As a sex therapist, I teach people how to communicate openly about sex and their sexuality. So what are seven steps to speaking the language of sex that you can start learning today? The following steps are a beginner’s handbook on learning the language of sex.
Step 1: Give yourself permission to learn the language of sex. No one taught you how to speak it before; it’s a fantastic time to learn now. Work through the fear, because you have a right to have a happy sex life!
Step 2: Make a list of what you already know about sex. Whether it is one thing, ten things or a hundred things, just jot down some notes about it.
Step 3: Think about the things that you most enjoy doing sexually. Write down your top 3 things you like to do sexually. If you are unsure of what those are, think back to your favorite experiences that involved any kind of intimate touching.
Step 4: Try reading the list aloud to yourself about what you enjoy sexually. You can also add in what else you would like to try sexually.
Step 5: Think of ways that you could share your needs with your partner. Practice saying aloud: “What I really enjoy is when we…..” (you fill in the blanks; it’s your sex life after all!)
Step 6: Invite your lover to a romantic date so that you can start practicing the language of sex with Them
Step 7: You can use a variety of techniques to get your message across. Start slow and go easy at first. You can write a short note for them to read, or whisper in their ear, or show them what you enjoy with your body. Think about the ways your partner likes to receive things, and what they respond to.
Learning the language of sex may be a bit awkward in the beginning, but it gets easier and you may find that the sex gets hotter and hotter for you and your lover, because you are both able to have more of what you enjoy. When you are ready, you can ask a question or two of your partner to find out what they like and what really turns them on. Then, you will really be cranking up the heat.